Today tomorrow seems so far away...

3 more nights and days, Jesus, it's Sunday so AFTER TOMORROW I'll have my "heaven tonight" - Ville & His Infernal Majesty!!!! None can stop me now - Gasometer is waiting for us to conquer.
<3
"Love is insane baby and we are too, it's our heart's little grave and the salt in our wounds"

The Mission UK

I saw The Mission play live at A38 Budapest last night. The concert was more than fantastic! All the supporting bands were good - Dead Guitars was a big surprise for me because I didn't know the band until last night and actually I kinda fell in love with their songs. But The Mission............oh dear God. I haven't been expecting such a great performance and show. They were playing for 2 long hours, many songs and they were really nice to the ppl. Wayne took one's cell phone during a song - dunno why but that was funny - I think Mark <3 told him to give it back or something. So, the whole show was energetic, Mark was absolutely handsome, didn't think he looks so pretty - but God, even 42 year old people can be HOT like hell. So, after the concert we went to drink something and then we saw that 2 of the guys came down from the stage, talking to people and fan girls hahaha so we desperately started to find a fucking piece of paper to have their autographs on. After a few mins we realized that we still have our tickets so I asked Tom to talk instead of me - because whenever I see a hot guy I just can't open my mouth - so Tom told Mark that I am his biggest fan - actually I didn't even know his name that time lol - so he wrote his signature for me and Dóri. Yes yes yes we have it now!!! After a few mins again we saw that the guys are taking photos with fans so...again we were too shy to go back and ask them for a photo. Then Brigi came...oh girl, I will bless you forever, she said this is the only chance for us in this life so we went back and took those photos with Mark. <3 Actually I took a seat on his left hand. :)))) Ooops, my bad. :) So we went home after all this, satisfied, happy and awake - didn't know how to fall asleep.
Guys, wish you came back once again to Hungary for one more concert, one last, even if I know it was the very last one. I love you guys, I loved the concert I won't ever forget!
Respect. xxx xxx xxx
"and the dance goes on"

No-one can save you now...

Seems like we make a couple again. I believe no-one could ever take this feeling away from us, my dear! Love takes over time after time, love brings me back to you, niin jykevää on rakkaus. ;) I am happier than ever before - especially now that you said you are coming with me to see HIM live. My wildest dream will come alive! Heartache is gone. You are mine forever. "No one can save you now from this grace you are drowning in..." I love you.

Between darkness and light

So is our heaven worth the waiting?

"I'll be drowning you in this river of gloom
Forever in my heart"

All in one

Hei again, it's a dark Sunday evening, parents just arrived home, I am feeling sick. My throat hurt like hell, I am afraid I'll have a fever - hope not. I don't wanna be ill. So all day I was drinking this Neocitran shit my mom gave me. Hopefully I'll get better soon, I cannot miss the school. Oh God, I'll have to get up at 5 early morning - too early - to catch the bus to go back to Budapest. Crazy me, going back today would have been so much easier...
(Mocskos pedofilok??? Mi a szösz?!!)

I can't wait to buy Versatile Digital Doom by HIM! (CD/DVD)
Take care Sweethearts.

De akkor is...

"Állok melletted, ahogyan máskor más mellett nem, és annyira szeretnélek szeretni, nem is tudod, nem is tudom, érzem, érzem. Most úgy teszel, mintha, aztán mégsem, és én nem nézek rád, közömbös leszek, mostantól az akarok lenni és nem akarok a szádhoz érni, mint régen, mint tegnap. Mint egy perce még. Megérint, hogy itt vagy és úgy teszek, mintha más valaki volnál és én se én, hanem az a másik lennék, aki nincs itt, akit nem érdekelsz. Már nem akarom megsimogatni a fejed, nyugtatón és forrón és kinevethetőn és banálisan. Nem akarom a szemedet nézni, amíg könnybe lábadok, nem akarlak megcsókolni és nem akarom, hogy megcsókolj. De mosolygok is rád, és nem kerüllek el, szóba elegyedünk, beszéljük ostobán a semmit. Hétköznapi leszek veled. Nem vagyunk ünnep többé, kár, hogy egyetlen percre se voltunk. Nehéz a szívem, de ha akarom, nem fáj. Nevetek magamon, új kamaszként : mindegy, ugye, mindegy? Gondolsz-e bármire ha látsz, ha látlak, mit gondolsz? Így jó? Így jó most? Már nem akarlak meghódítani, álmomban látott kép vagy, és én nem kereslek ébren, majd ha tudlak, nem kereslek. Nem kívánlak és nem akarok a testedhez érni, mohó markolással és cirógatással. Tévedés, hogy megszerettelek, nem megszerezni, nem birtokolni akarlak, nem, nem, inkább a semmi. A halálos közömbösség. A csend, mint sikoly. Így akartad, akarjuk akkor így. (Ákos)"

OH HELL

Well, I'd get so fucking angry if these pimples stayed on my body. All over. And there is more coming. :( WHY? Itching, hell I will scrape my body till I'll skin myself to the bone. So I am drinking this calcium shit since days, I hope it will fade soon!
Feels like shit, eh!!!

Nagyon mérges leszek, ha nem tűnnek el a kiütéseim! Iszom a kálciumot, szóval javulnia kéne a helyzetnek, de honnan jöttek, mit kaptam el, kitől, mikor??? Jézus!!! Lekaparom a bőröm komolyan!!!

Szar, színtisztán!!!

Get lost

Yes, maybe I am lost. This is not my place, not my world and truly - not my paradise & will never be, but I try to do my best. It's a cruel world. Too cruel and cold for my soul and heart. This is not my game I am playing. It's yours. A game that I am forced to play. I am afraid to trust, afraid to love, afraid to feel loved 'cos it all will fade away so I am afraid to dream and believe in anything TRUE, in anything true like love. Once I thought I've found the one everlasting feeling which'd make me feel so fine, keep me going on. Now it's only a memory which is haunting my past hopes, daring them to come alive time after time. I know all is lost. And yes, you know I got lost with all my feelings, lost in life. I'm trying to feel, to love, to get away from my fears. You'll never understand how much it hurts to feel this weak - too weak to get away. And it hurts to be lost. Boys and girls come and go. Wounds remain. Everyone enjoys playing this game, everyone - not me. You'll always want to have me, kiss me, love me and you always wind up fucking my scars. The end is always near, you never make it be so true, you always let me down, always make me feel so disappointed. One another lie - it's not me, it's you! You, people! You, the World!!! So don't judge me for being lost! You left me in this borken place. It's not my fault that I have to play with such a crazy mask on. You've put it on my face. The mask of being so drunk & high. Yeah, let's get fucking stoned - this is the only shelter. (Of course, it's not about a party-time, not about something good...it's about times when you wake up and there's no other way to dream the world away but pouring another drink to feel numb again so you don't have to care about the world.) You don't have to care about me. If I'm too weak to leave then I am strong enough to continue your game. So let's play, in the end we all go away. I am lost. I really couldn't care less about.

"When my life's going numb
I just keep moving my mouth
I just keep moving my feet
I say I'm loving you to death
Like I'm losing my breath
And all the smiles that I wear
And all the games that I play
And all the drinks that I mix
And I drink until I'm sick
And all the faces I make
And all the shapes that I throw
And all the people I meet
And all the words that I know
Makes me sick to the heart
Oh I feel so tired...
And the way the rain comes down hard...
That's how I feel inside..."

Extra special thanks go to: my family, HIM, Freya, Timee, Lully, Dóri, LAM & Hinder, Gothica, Peti & Adél, Chrys and all my dear friends I didn't mention but I keep in my heart (for making it real for a while)!!!

Vampires smile...

"Nothing's gonna stop us, let the bad times roll"

Thanks for the cd my angellove!!!

Resurresction

I could resurrect myself from death. Back from the end.
It was so f*ckin hard...again I feel stronger and harder, somehow I can easily say "fuck that".

"You have let me down
You have left me cold
You don't understand
You haven't won
You've begun
It's begun
The beginning of the end"