Please

Please don't write any comments on my previous post. Don't ask me why and don't say it's not hopeless because - just as well as I do - you know: it is. I don't feel hate, I have no regrets, it happened and it was more than beautiful. I'll always love every memory, these little pieces of time that - in my head - are connected to you. It was a fantastic journey. Our story might had to end but it will always be dear to me. Pointing fingers on each other won't make any sense, so please, don't even think about it. It's our mistake, we both are guilty. But you should try to be happy because it was real. It happened and it will remain unrepeatable. At last, I am happy.

We rise n shine n fall

In a few days this post will be moved to my other blog and probably I am going to delete these words from my tumblr - only because my tumblr’s not a good place for anything pathetic and miserable. I am talking about two persons - you and me.

See, what once was love and friendship is nothing but the sickest kind of rivalry now. No matter which one of us turned it into a competition first but one thing I know: I am not fine with it, I hate it and even though some catchy emotions like hatred and revenge took you away from me, I just can’t fight you. I respect everything we once had but let’s say it now: we fucked it up, didn’t we? Don’t know where and when, maybe it was me, maybe you - and maybe I am wrong when I say, but at last I have to say it (and there is no way back, it’s on my tongue and I’m afraid if I swallow this shit once again I’ll choke): you have become a bad person. I still remember loving you and feeling your good heart. Now the heart is nothing but a jar of fury and poison. Is this what you really are? Sometimes I wonder if I have ever been right about you. Or is this all you ever wanted?
The truth is, you can only hurt me if I let you. Keep trying if you want to (and it seems you are enjoying the idea of hurting me) but that will only make you a bad person. Nice intentions. Fall into yourself and think it through. The only thing I know is that I have grown tired of this shit between us. I have grown tired of you, we have grown apart and no matter how sad it actually is but this will never get any better. Shining with you felt good and I am grateful. Thank you, anyway.

Source: Gotthyka's Tumblr

How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it.

- Mark Twain

A new glass of pure water

5 more days in the trap of the lake which, honestly and without a doubt, is a really nice place to be. Calm, peaceful and safe. But who wants to be safe, who wants peaceful, who wants to live a life where the contrasts are barely seen anymore? I've always been trying to push myself closer and over the edge.

5 more days in the life of the person I am today.

1 month to wait until the actual beginning of the life of the person I'll be tomorrow.

New adventures ahead - adventures that'll take me a lot of thoughtfulness and courage but hell yeah there is absolutely nothing to lose.

Alone

Good. I can live with it, I think. I have grown so absolutely and wonderfully super cold that losing my faith (again) didn't hurt that much. This time. I mean, hello I didn't even see it was coming because it came right out of nowhere! It's all about these ugly seconds. Minutes. Hours. Once I love you, the other time I don't. One time you can warm me up - even the idea of you touching my face is good enough to melt me fucking away. The picture of you and I talking...just talking - this picture in my head brings so good memories that I feel like I could do this for ever and ever, without regretting anything. That I could lie forever. That I could forgive forever. We promised nothing to each other, did we? Nope. So, I really don't have the right to ask anything, to expect anything. What happens when you start diving deeper? You don't want to, you know you can't but it's not your god damn mind and brain what decides. And since I do know you, I also know that you you're the only person on this planet who never fails and always walks the path of rational thinking. You have wild moments - true - but I can't keep you wild. I know I shouldn't have ever tried. This is how you chose to grow old. And I am pretty fucking okay with that. You will always be important. You will always be a true friend. It's not you, it's me, it's not your fault, it's mine -- look at my past and see how damaged my heart is -- that's why I simply don't want to see things the way they truly are. You never meant to hurt me, I know that and please don't ever think I'm angry or anything. It's my life I am angry with; that once again I got hooked up with the wrong person. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, that you are a wrong person - it's just that you are not for me. Or not for me, yet. Oh how I wish that "yet" could hold the meaning of this whole sh*t. I am okay, don't worry. I have automatically turned colder and not because I wanted to. It's some kind of fucked up basic instinct. And instincts protect us, no matter what. No-one likes falling in love alone.

Moulin Rose

Banger chickens, make sure you visit the new website of these deathpoppers, I think this stuff is worth listening to!!

Click.
Moulin Rose

And follow the Moulin Rose Twitter for updates.
Moulin Rose Twitter

LOVE, Andy

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first show:

06 July 2010 @ Diesel - Budapest
start 9 PM

Memories vs Flu

Chapter One

It took me hours to decide if I should enter my already rusty blogger world again tonight or just close the page -- like many other times before. My head is far from anything clear, my thoughts are gently blocked by this ridiculous flu that has settled inside my body a week ago and it still doesn't seem to wanna get the hell out. So, waiting for a perfect day to blog is like wishing impossible things. Hell yeah, let's roll now!

Sometimes I truly can't figure out if my life has finally got its well deserved kick in the ass or is it just about to fall apart like never before. I tend to vote for the first option this time because I am trying so hard to believe now, believe in anything and everything but above all: in life. It's gonna be fair one day, I know. Now that I have learnt the hardest lesson, I can completely understand what they mean when they say 'you have to live your own life and focus on it only'. Are all the other lives worth your pain? My ass. Life can seem to be evil since - in so many cases - it's moving around and forward with a pinch of hatred and a lovely dose of guilt floating out of those people whose hands have never touched dirt on the ground. And half of the world is living it this way. Now let me tell you, it's only an illusion sticking to your hands, under the surface you never really had a good reason to cry and bleed and pull your heart out. Pain is the fashion you chose to dress up for. But do you feel hurt? What hurts you the most? So, your list is still empty... Good. So, let me explain what. The idea of yourselves remaining weak when the illusion dies -- this freaks you all out. While people like me are crawling step by step, gathering power, strenght and energy, you won't be strong enough to keep it all together when your haven turns to ash. You won't be strong enough because you never had the possibility to learn to love and appreciate the fruit of your deeds. Therefore you're gonna stand there, with an empty heart, not knowing where to move next. There is only one advice I can give: fill your fucking heart with love. Don't underestimate others but give your hand. Wash that forever unsatisfied grimace off your face and put on a true smile! Remember, this is the game where the more you give, the more you'll get. Help us make this shithole a brither place -- be a true person.

After this little chat between myself and I, think I might dare to say it really was the ass kick and not the sense of an impending breakdown. Hallelujah.

Chapter Two

Here, in this lonely place there is not much going on. Every day is exactly the same burning hell: alarm rings at 6 AM, girl makes it out of bed, does (or doesn't do) her make-up, goes to work, drinks her first, second and third morning coffee while smoking a half pack of cigarettes, gets (or doesn't get) lost in paperwork, eats lunch at 11 which is still weird for her tummy then she has a desire to nicotinize her lungs a little more, then she goes back to the desk, back to the papers - time moves fast forward until 4 and when 4 arrives, the same old bullshit starts again: carrying her ass back to the hotel, boredom kicks in and she is cursing her God for this huge playground is anything but her kind of wonderland.

Sometimes she dives into the water which makes her feel cold and dirty but anyway she swims. For 2 minutes, then she realizes she's all alone and waterworld feels strange without the company of any mermaids, pirates or friends. She runs out of the waves, twice as fast as when she walked in - and runs back to her room to fall in her bed like a dead. She wishes not to move ever again or at least not until someone comes to brighten up her pathetic afternoons. This is how life is in the middle of a green colored heaven. This is how it almost always is...

Chapter Three

Part 1

His Infernal Majesty. Do I need to say more? Of course, I do. Not exactly 3 weeks ago a friend of mine (@Twiggy) asked me if I had known HIM were going to play at DonauInselFest, in Vienna. I kinda shouted at her in total disbelief like "why in hell would they play there, it's not even mentioned on their official website" and it was true, the Heartagram site had no information about this upcoming show. But of course, I had to play Sherlock again and now I am so happy I did! Because they were going to come! (Come...khm. Oh I wish.) What made it even more amazing (and still so unbelievable) was the festival being one of those with free entry! Maybe it was my last chance to see them in this life...I don't fucking know, so often there are many things killing the bubbles of my dreams - money, bad timing, family trip, health problems - but this time, whoever it is watching us from above, he or she was unconditionally giving and rewarding. It's like getting a fucking reward for my work. A totally and completely unexpected giftbox with my favorite band inside.

Part 2

26th June 2010 -- Friday

I've always thought Vienna's one of the most beautiful cities ever...

And wouldn't you just love it even more if you went there each time, to see your all time favorites? To see the lights changing colors, hear the guitars cry, the drumms making your heart dance a jig. Feeling the beautifil, dark butterflies in your stomach when he appears. Noticing the teardrops wetting through your lashes. Wouldn't you love it as much as I did?

Like St. Valentine, Right here in my arms, Scared to Death, Kiss of Dawn, Wicked Game, Heartkiller, Join me, Bleed well, Disarm me (with your loneliness), Buried alive by love, Poison Girl, Killing Loneliness, The funeral of hearts, Rebel Yell -- YES, Rebel Yell which completely made me feel like I was the luckiest little fucker in this universe.

The whole Vienna experience was pretty adventurous, too (as it usually is when you have no idea where you will spend the night). We ended up hitting the hay in the hugest youth hostel I've evere seen (though in the smallest room). I couldn't really care less: I love my life and I prefer it crazy.

Part 3

Now pouring some special thanks down on you, especially on @Gothica and @Twiggy. Thank you girls for being there, sharing my tears and singing with me. It means a lot, always.

The band (Ville, Lily, Migé, Gas, Burton).

My parents.

The End

"Memories, sharp as daggers, pierce into the flesh of today"

I am off. xoxo 666 times

for more photos visit this album

Eclipse

When it's Twilight then it's Nuts times. And this time it was Eclipse I was going crazy about. But hey, I am a girl, I have a right to love The Twilight Saga! Keep that in mind. Not even mentioning how hot the vamp or the wolf guys are. Maybe some of you are expecting me to write a little longer about this film -- I wish I could but I am speechless, it was so good! Believe me! It was way too different from anything Twilight this time, or maybe it's just the first movie that became as Twilight related as a movie could ever turn out to be. I wouldn't say it's better than Twilight (the first movie) though. There is more action in this one, maybe it's closer to the book, there was not a moment when I could take my eyes off of Edw...oh, the screen. Okay, let's just admit: that Brit heartthrob is still being all sparkly and beautiful. His make-up wasn't so fucked up as I expected -- I mean, it was a lucky surprise for me, he made me hyperventilate and all feisty in the cinema. Sexy times at the movies, God, I am never going to be healed, not with movies like this. Do I even wanna heal? Hell NO!

Eclipse is pretty close to the book, it contains every important second and movement on the screen the way I dreamt it. For me, this movie was perfect. Perfect because of action. And jokes. Funny scenes. Deadly scenes. Emmett scenes. EDWARD scenes. Bed scenes. (Uh-uh.) Fight scenes. (Jasper VS Alice grrrr)

So, how do we feel about it guys?  Let me know!

Twilight will be my forever favorite because that was the perfect beginning of something beautiful, something that has made me addicted and devoted (on an unhealthy level) even though I am 24.

Ridiculous. Haha!

"The clouds I can handle but I can't fight an eclipse."

Ouch

maybe my previous entry didn't make any sense sorry I am sleepy and dead tired and such.
xoxo

Dreams for sale

It all depends on luck. Our lives are gently stuck to the glorious hands of Fortuna and she won't ever let us go.

Tonight I wanted to write pages and pages to explain that it's the world I am angry with. But I can't. Words are running through my head and I feel nothing but confusion. All I see is people not doing but buying their dreams. And after all this, knowing what the easy way is, it doesn't make me wanna pick it. I wanna sweat half of my heart out to get there where the birds always sing. The harder I die, the more alive I'll be during my next journey.