I have a whip and it is superpink

U NO entertain me?
Right, so I have to do it myself, but what if there aren't any ideas popping up in my head? Seriously, what is a girl supposed to do when she can't get no sleep? (By the way, fuck the rule of double negatives!) I'd like to say it's my happy time but a happy time needs happy little fingers and the delusion of a certain someone - well, thank you, not tonight. I don't want to dip myself into anything exhausting for at least three more days. At least we are still flying free. (Although maybe it's rather called the free-fall of our life.)

Minden este eljön az a pillanat, amikortól elalvásig olyannyira hiányzik, hogy ordítani tudnék. Csak fekszem, mint egy darab fa az ágyban és a legérthetőbben megfogalmazva: utálom az egész világot. Mindezt szívből teszem, több órán keresztül, amíg hozzám nem ér és el nem alszom.

Miután ez megtörtént, én szinte teljesen biztos vagyok abban, hogy itt fekszik mellettem reggelig.

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Szavak nélkül

Leginkább csak mozdulatok történnének közted és köztem, legalábbis így jó darabig biztos, hogy semmi másra nem lenne szükség. Ha el akarnál kezdeni beszélni, azonnal szájon csókolnálak és máris néma lennél. Tudod, hogy igazam van. Az egésszel csupán annyi a gond jelen pillanatban, hogy képtelenség ebben a percben elkövetni ezt a fajta némaságot.

Túl messze vagy és én mindent megátkoznék körülötted. Mindenkit, aki láthat, mindent, amihez hozzáérsz. Megérdemlik. Megérdemlik ezért a rohadt nagy ürességért ami jobbról-balról körülvesz. Bármerre fordulok, te nem vagy ott és ez szemét dolog, kegyetlen, mert belül mindennek a fordítottja játszódik le: percenként felkap a szél, mintha csak álmodnék - már épp kezdeném belekarcolni a nevem a bőrödbe, amikor hirtelen újra lent vagyok a földön.

SUOMI. Do I need to say more?

Please

Please don't write any comments on my previous post. Don't ask me why and don't say it's not hopeless because - just as well as I do - you know: it is. I don't feel hate, I have no regrets, it happened and it was more than beautiful. I'll always love every memory, these little pieces of time that - in my head - are connected to you. It was a fantastic journey. Our story might had to end but it will always be dear to me. Pointing fingers on each other won't make any sense, so please, don't even think about it. It's our mistake, we both are guilty. But you should try to be happy because it was real. It happened and it will remain unrepeatable. At last, I am happy.

We rise n shine n fall

In a few days this post will be moved to my other blog and probably I am going to delete these words from my tumblr - only because my tumblr’s not a good place for anything pathetic and miserable. I am talking about two persons - you and me.

See, what once was love and friendship is nothing but the sickest kind of rivalry now. No matter which one of us turned it into a competition first but one thing I know: I am not fine with it, I hate it and even though some catchy emotions like hatred and revenge took you away from me, I just can’t fight you. I respect everything we once had but let’s say it now: we fucked it up, didn’t we? Don’t know where and when, maybe it was me, maybe you - and maybe I am wrong when I say, but at last I have to say it (and there is no way back, it’s on my tongue and I’m afraid if I swallow this shit once again I’ll choke): you have become a bad person. I still remember loving you and feeling your good heart. Now the heart is nothing but a jar of fury and poison. Is this what you really are? Sometimes I wonder if I have ever been right about you. Or is this all you ever wanted?
The truth is, you can only hurt me if I let you. Keep trying if you want to (and it seems you are enjoying the idea of hurting me) but that will only make you a bad person. Nice intentions. Fall into yourself and think it through. The only thing I know is that I have grown tired of this shit between us. I have grown tired of you, we have grown apart and no matter how sad it actually is but this will never get any better. Shining with you felt good and I am grateful. Thank you, anyway.

Source: Gotthyka's Tumblr

How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it.

- Mark Twain

A new glass of pure water

5 more days in the trap of the lake which, honestly and without a doubt, is a really nice place to be. Calm, peaceful and safe. But who wants to be safe, who wants peaceful, who wants to live a life where the contrasts are barely seen anymore? I've always been trying to push myself closer and over the edge.

5 more days in the life of the person I am today.

1 month to wait until the actual beginning of the life of the person I'll be tomorrow.

New adventures ahead - adventures that'll take me a lot of thoughtfulness and courage but hell yeah there is absolutely nothing to lose.

Alone

Good. I can live with it, I think. I have grown so absolutely and wonderfully super cold that losing my faith (again) didn't hurt that much. This time. I mean, hello I didn't even see it was coming because it came right out of nowhere! It's all about these ugly seconds. Minutes. Hours. Once I love you, the other time I don't. One time you can warm me up - even the idea of you touching my face is good enough to melt me fucking away. The picture of you and I talking...just talking - this picture in my head brings so good memories that I feel like I could do this for ever and ever, without regretting anything. That I could lie forever. That I could forgive forever. We promised nothing to each other, did we? Nope. So, I really don't have the right to ask anything, to expect anything. What happens when you start diving deeper? You don't want to, you know you can't but it's not your god damn mind and brain what decides. And since I do know you, I also know that you you're the only person on this planet who never fails and always walks the path of rational thinking. You have wild moments - true - but I can't keep you wild. I know I shouldn't have ever tried. This is how you chose to grow old. And I am pretty fucking okay with that. You will always be important. You will always be a true friend. It's not you, it's me, it's not your fault, it's mine -- look at my past and see how damaged my heart is -- that's why I simply don't want to see things the way they truly are. You never meant to hurt me, I know that and please don't ever think I'm angry or anything. It's my life I am angry with; that once again I got hooked up with the wrong person. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, that you are a wrong person - it's just that you are not for me. Or not for me, yet. Oh how I wish that "yet" could hold the meaning of this whole sh*t. I am okay, don't worry. I have automatically turned colder and not because I wanted to. It's some kind of fucked up basic instinct. And instincts protect us, no matter what. No-one likes falling in love alone.

Moulin Rose

Banger chickens, make sure you visit the new website of these deathpoppers, I think this stuff is worth listening to!!

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Moulin Rose

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LOVE, Andy

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first show:

06 July 2010 @ Diesel - Budapest
start 9 PM