Try harder to read my mind

Disease in my veins. I am eternally sad and empty every now and then I feel like shit and can't control myself. Now I am up then down and crush like never before. Want to break this glass that I am holding in my hands before I'd bite it so hard that my lips would bleed. The heart inside me is craving to beat its very last. About 6 yrs ago the doctor said it was depression consuming me. Now I know it's bipolar disorder - still keep growing inside. Don't tell me I am weak or that my life is not worthy. I want to change but do you know how it feels to realize after 6 good months that the shitty part is far from over??!! And you keep telling me it's not understandable. So go on and cut me I couldn't care less - since I feel so cold cold and cold now.