Let Christmas take over

It would be so nice to spend Christmas eve with all the precious people I love. So now it's time to let my thankfulness cascade on you all:

My family - I love you, mom, dad and sister. Through all the fights and misunderstandings and sadness, I still live you because beside all these harsh feelings there is love and you have already proven me: I was born into the right and best family. I love our ups and downs. 

Timee the Valo - you are so damn far but every time your msn window pops out, every time you fill my mailbox, it still feels like the first time you wrote me. My biggest dream is yours and your biggest dream is mine. I will always remember the little things in our lives - these little things will always make me want to go on. Thank you for makin' me believe.

Elphaba (the greenest): you are more like a fairy than a witch. "Like a comet from an orbit..." There are no words to say how I love to feel your little self beside me, to sleep with you and caress your forever-baby-skin. And there are no words to say how much you turned my world upside down. I love you for that. ;)

Gothica: you've taught me the biggest lesson in life. Go figure out and you'll see why I am thankful. 

Sweet Nuts - you you you little tease!!! I don't know why I deserved you, have I done anything so good to have a friend like you???!! I can't find the words *gasping* You gave me another dream and reason to live. You keep me strong. And you are always "there to tease me", you bossy bad girl, feels like my whole damn life is depending on you, feels like you keep me breathing (or choking), you are one of the biggest presents in my life and I am so planning to keep you forever, share my bed with you and Mr. Multiple. Experience is still so fresh I can't even realize what you did to me, asshead! I effin love you, green eyes! 

Lully: guess it is forever. I love you. 

Poci: shit shit shit, you always set me straight. I have never met anyone as honest as you. Never thought I'd have boy/friends. Now you are the one and only. Thank you for being you. Always, no matter how shitty a situation is. 

Dorri: van.volt.lesz.

Twiggy: I'll cut it short just because you always talk soooo much! I just simply love you, crazy finn-fan!

Nadja: you are like a cupcake, nutcake, nutella and sugar and all the sweets in the universe. I am so blessed to have you in my life. Hope to shake our butts together as soon as possible. 

Lilian - you are so warm (and HOT in every way ;))! It's a Lili-thing. You pay attention, you are never scared, you have powers, the way you manage relationships is amazing, you leave me breathless. You are one of God's angels. I am 100% sure.

Well..sweet EVERYONE I forgot to mention here, Evy, Cicu, Nina, my friend's list contains so many I can't even count but this must be a good thing. This has to mean: I am not alone. :) 

I THANK YOU.

Reality

So there is this guy, pretty, built, and above all: he looks like one of your favorite singers. So one night you just happen to find yourself at his place. Only you two. And 2 bottles of wine. Time goes fast and the only thing you can think about is kissing him. So you move and press your lips against his then you both continue talking. When you get sleepy you two hit the bed in different rooms. Then he asks you to join him and of course you do because all you want - drunk and horny - is to feel his grace inside of you. So you get up and walk toward the other room to face destiny. That's when it all goes wrong. You lie down and shivers go down your spine and you start to sweat. But not in a good way. Next thing you notice is that you are throwing up. Like never before. Right into the middle of the love-nest. Of course you can't feel ashamed because you still have vomit in your mouth and all you want is a bathroom so you run out and finish your job there. You are too weak to stand up so you have to spend another 30 minutes bent over the tub. When the world stops spinning you get up on your feet, walk into your room and crash into bed. Soon he appears and asks if he'd sleep there with you since his bed looks like someone's vomited into it. You can't think but you nod. That's the point where nothing matters any more. And the point where he decides to kiss you down there and enter your sex. Heaven in the very middle of Hell. You start to feel better with every thrust. You start to think your mistake was forgiven. He works on you so hard that you even forget if there was a mistake. Then you black out - but not because your orgasm was so intense, no you are not that lucky this time - and sleep. Next morning you crawl out of bed and you wish you'd have sunglasses to make it easier to face the truth. But he is still nice and kind and truly: a gentleman. He walks you out, and blows ya a kiss. Adorable, isn't he? Two months later you realize that was the last time you saw him. Too bad. 

Nehéz ünnep

Persze. Csakis ilyenkor. Miért ne? Semmi kedvem nincs hozzá és semmi szépet vagy jót nem látok benne, mégis: a Karácsony pont az életed legsavanyúbb és leghidegebb heteibe pofátlankodja be magát. Ráadásul, a legravaszabb módon képes elérni, hogy édes ízeket, illatokat és meleget akarj érezni - nem csak szenteste. Végig, amíg kint hideg van. Jó esetben ezzel a finom érzéssel az ember alapvetően ki van szolgálva: család, szeretet. Fűt az egész belülről, hiszen van, aki pakolja rá a fát. Tizenkét hónapon keresztül. Rossz esetben...nézzetek rám. Az egyik legszebb ünnepet dobnám a kukába, mert bár akarom az émelyítő aromákat és szagokat, de örökösen csak a vágyakozás marad. Karácsony ide vagy oda, az összes cicomájával együtt hideg marad idebenn. Miért? Mert akkor mókázom a világgal, amikor az kéri, ha épp nincs kedvem hozzá, akkor ne várjam, hogy megkérdezze: mi a baj? Nem, olyankor jó vagyok én hátrahagyva is, aztán majd újra elő lehet venni, ha nem vagyok antiszoc. Köszönöm! Nem ez kell nekem! Amikor az ember mindent megcsinál, amit úgy alapban a hétköznapok megkövetelnek, akkor én azt kérném szépen: szóljanak hozzám. Ismerjenek meg, és itt elsősorban azokhoz beszélek, akiknek a kis kandallóm tüzét kéne ápolgatni. Napokat vagyok egyedül. Sőt, heteket. Ne erőltessétek meg magatokat, nem a fizikai állapotról beszélek. Százszor halálosabb, amikor melletted ülnek és komplett baromnak néznek, vagy nem is látnak semmit belőled, mert nem akarnak látni. És én ezek után élvezzem azt a hamis melegséget, aminek lángjai szenteste majd néha körbenyaldossák a seggem! Akkor majd pár pillanatra elhiszem, hogy elszántan összetartunk és segítjük egymást, miközben tudom: a mindennapi ígéretek ugyanúgy el lesznek felejtve, a fáradhatatlan kézfogás olyan laza, hogy egy rossz szó azonnal szétszakítja. Ennyit erről. Meg a Karácsonyról és arról, hogy szeretjük egymást. Azt hiszem becsomagolhatsz bármit, de amíg nem rakod bele saját magad elsőként a dobozba, addig bukik a mutatvány. 
Hideg van. Ráz a sírás belülről. Sehogy se jó, viszont holnapután csúcsformában kell lenni, hiszen nehéz lesz: be kell fogadni a szeretetet, aztán helyesen el kell tudni raktározni egy évre, ha nem akarom, hogy a következő 364 nap lelencnek érezzem magam. 


"Keep your feet on the ground when your head is in the clouds"

Időkitöltés

"Az udvari bolond különleges fajta volt,

aki megengedhette magának,

hogy bölcseket mondjon és kinevettesse magát;

az igazat megvallva azonban úgy őrizte meg

eszét, hogy közben buta csengők

csilingeltek a fején.

- Igen, a Bolondok bölcsek voltak,

oly bölcsek, mint az óra,

mert annak látták az időt,

ami."

(köszi Forest)

How to be: the eternal question of “who I am”

I am sure that there is no one in the universe who has never thought about the „what am I doing in this world” topic. This problem and the chaotic interval that belongs to it usually happens in our early twenties just like in the case of Robert Pattinson, who gets into the life of Arthur in How to be and tries to figure out the meaning of his existence.

In Oliver Irving’s film this kind, ordinary and eternally lost boy is desperately seeking for a path to follow. His friends are concerned with their own problems, his girlfriend’s dropped him and his parents are interested in everything but him. Art - apart from suffering all day long or performing his depression as a singer in a small pub – observes everybody, picks up pieces from their personalities and in the meantime he tries to give himself some life-style advice. Initially from a book then directly from the author of it for he makes this always happy self-help guru, Dr. Ellington (Powell Jones) move into their house’s guestroom, in order to find solutions and analyze each period of the boy’s life together. This „action” brings some grotesque still lovely scene into the film as the doctor never leaves Arthur alone to direct his living. But his activity doesn’t prove to be successful – it’s always different and even more difficult to solve individual problems than dealing with universal ones. As a consequence, our hero or rather our loser has to fall back on measure his past, present and future by himself.

How to be is a film which draws attention to contemporary difficulties sometimes in a funny way but always honestly with the contribution of excellent actors. This movie tells a story which I consider that would never disappoint anyone.