It's not about being dramatic or pessimistic, not even about turning my back on the light which sure as hell shines at the other end of the good old tunnel. It's only about being realistic and one hundred percent honest with myself, no matter how ugly the truth might be. 

This is what I was born to be. Flesh and blood cursed and blessed with feelings that are moving in waves like water. Moving with the waves of the oceans that sometimes run smooth other times run wild and after that even wilder until they are forced to dissolve into the smallest of molecules when crashing into some slimy surface of some rock. And that is the moment when I dive and that is the moment when I don't feel like holding on to this life any longer. I just don't, I just can't, I was meant to fall apart. I go deep and I go dark but I don't feel like getting scared anymore. I just can't, I just don't. I am water, I will always settle back down. 

I will always be longing to run smooth between your hands again because that's where I was born to be.