Always the same question (why)

Well, I feel so fucking empty again. Cold and alone. None by my side. None wants to stay awake with me. But no desire to see beauty, no desire to cry, to kiss, to breathe. No desire to light all the candles in my room and listen to music. No needs now. Just emptiness. No home in darkness nor light. No need to sing, to speak, to scream. No need to hide. I am not loved, I don't feel loved. And for the first time in my life it isn't killing me. Why? I wish I could cry and scream. I wish I could embrace the dark and imagine you there, I wish I could love the rising sun and wish I could see the colors of the sky. But I am not interested in anything at all. I guess the blade is already in too deep in my flesh.